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a pattern I’m noticing with smart, thoughtful people is that they usually know what their problems are, they know where those problems come from, they know the intellectual steps to solve them but they get stuck there, in analysis mode, churning through insight after insight

notice the environments where you become your favourite version of yourself

the best indicator that your body feels safe where you are is spontaneous silliness

a lot of my personal growth has just been being able to say “I like this” or “I don’t like this” with increasing honesty & conviction. owning what I want to experience, without fear of criticism or rejection

my appreciation for Christianity grew immensely once I was taught to see "hell" as a metaphorical inner state of total isolation, and therefore avoiding sin is about avoiding that which separates you from others

“I’m not doing enough” puts your body into a state of fear, eliciting a freeze response, making it a self fulfilling prophecy “I’m moving towards what I most want” creates relaxation, opening up your mind to perceive more options, increasing the odds of actualization

the goal of all deep serious inner work is to become a silly little goofball once more

some people just need that one person who says “I think you’d be great at that” when it comes to their big dream I want to be that person as often as possible

I’ve talked to dozens of people about their grandest ambition and why they want it and it all comes down to “I want to feel safe & I want to love”

if you want to deeply understand someone, it’s less about interrogating them with endless questions and more about holding a warm & welcoming space for them to open up as they feel ready it’s the same with understanding your deep emotions

there’s being nice to yourself and then there’s being so nice to yourself that you have an absolute abundance of enthusiasm for life that fuels your every step

when you choose a partner, you’re choosing the version of yourself that shows up when you’re around them

the real status signal is a laidback and whimsical temperament

whenever I speak with someone who describes their life in articulate intellectual concepts, I know they are in the grip of fear

my anxiety usually comes down to an urgent cry of “I don’t know what to do” which has the underlying belief that I *need* to *know* what to do i.e. if I don’t have certainty then I won’t be safe so the way forward is to create a sense of safety *within* the uncertainty

one of the best ways to build self esteem is to create clear evidence of your own courage

The Huberman stuff is significant to me because I don’t want to take psychological advice from someone who treats people like shit Like what’s the point of sun exposure in the morning if you’re not using that energy to cultivate loving relationships?

a pattern I’m noticing with smart, thoughtful people is that they usually know what their problems are, they know where those problems come from, they know the intellectual steps to solve them but they get stuck there, in analysis mode, churning through insight after insight

my appreciation for Christianity grew immensely once I was taught to see "hell" as a metaphorical inner state of total isolation, and therefore avoiding sin is about avoiding that which separates you from others

a lot of suffering is rooted in the idea that your life should be something different than it is

I spent years thinking “manifestation is so clearly bullshit, how could anyone fall for this” and then I finally watched a manifestation video where the girl was like “yeah so I wrote down exactly what I wanted every single day and visualized every single detail of how it would look & feel” and I was like okay yeah that would probably work

the gap between who you are & who you want to be does it feel like a crisis, a threat, or a fun little project?

notice the environments where you become your favourite version of yourself

one of the universe's favourite little pranks is to give a Serious Thinking Person a problem they can't think their way out of

whenever I speak with someone who describes their life in articulate intellectual concepts, I know they are in the grip of fear

an extremely high level strategy for getting unstuck is to commit to the stuckness try to be 10x more stuck. act out the persona of the perfectly stuck person. indulge the stuckness. savour it. enjoy every moment of it paradoxically, by leaning into stuckness, you create relaxation. you take all the energy that was going to shaming & beating yourself up and you free it. now that energy can go towards fun. when you’re having fun, things start moving I have given this strategy to a handful of clients and used it myself and it has never failed. the only way out is through

the best indicator that your body feels safe where you are is spontaneous silliness

this perspective is true to some degree (your life does get less stressful when you get more done!) but I haven’t found it to be that useful context: I spent a lot of time in my 20s investing in systems in my life to close open loops. I was quite successful at it. I still felt drained & anxious the real lever is how you feel about the open loops, and why they matter so much it’s impossible to close all your loops! open loops are part of being human! so what is making that intolerable, for you? why is your body tensing and clenching at leaving things undone? maybe it’s less about the loops themselves and more about your relationship to them… and maybe that’s the place we can focus on, to make it easier & more joyful to both close the loops and keep them open… to not live in fear of open loops, in an endless game of whack-a-mole, but to be free to act in ways you find beautiful, from moment to moment

a lot of my personal growth has just been being able to say “I like this” or “I don’t like this” with increasing honesty & conviction. owning what I want to experience, without fear of criticism or rejection

the clever man, the Odysseus figure, tries to "figure out" life so as to avoid suffering he thinks with the right knowledge, the right epiphanies, he can avoid the mistakes that others make. he can "skip steps" and find a shorter path to success but in trying to avoid suffering…

one of the most valuable emotional skills is letting people project onto you: allowing others to have their own narrative about who you are & what you're doing, without feeling the need to change it ideally everyone would meet you with curiosity & empathy, of course, but that's so often not the case, and without realizing it we can spend a lot of time trying to "manage" other people's narratives of us... but we can also just let that go "okay, they have a particular story about me. okay, that's not true. I'm going to keep moving forward"

important to remember that Marcus Aurelius was essentially a guy stuck in a job he hated