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This started a civil war in my chess chat between the cynics and the believers

Held a gun for the first time and felt something spiritually change inside me

The implication that the declining birth rate is because men don’t want to fuck women anymore lmfao

Recently learned that “LBH” (Loser Back Home) is a term used in Thailand to refer to this genre of guy lol

Fuck you and your bullshit fridge

Harry Potter pulls an unrealistically low number of bitches considering his exorbitant fortune and worldwide fame

I take baths a lot, and whenever I do, my boyfriend sits in the bathroom and reads out loud to me. Right now we’re on chapter 4 of a book about the history of rats in NYC

Hmm this is probably where I would hold space for the lyrics of Defying Gravity

I love vinegar. Ever since I was a child I’ve ultra doused my fish & chips with malt vinegar. I always add vinegar to my pasta sauces. I just made avocado toast and dumped balsamic vinny all over it. Most foods are improved by vinegar. Any other vinegar heads out there??

Moving to a new city isn’t a sin you need to atone for lmfao get a grip

ADHD makes normal things hard, I’ve known this since I was 16 and still struggle, but the reality is that being late/missing deadlines will always be our own fault — we’re responsible for implementing strategies. I’d rather die than treat myself as a victim of an external force

One time at a party this girl and I realized we were wearing the exact same jeans, but mine were a little too big for me and hers were a little too small for her. So we went to the bathroom and traded. Both fit perfectly. Very professional, we didn’t speak the rest of the night

Golden rule: Twitter men who are into having an online presence and have thousands of followers can’t be trusted. Your spidey senses will tingle and they’ll try talking you out of it. But a Twitter man with a couple hundred followers could be your husband

Inconsolably sobbing because I just realized my cat has a tiny brain and a tiny little heart and a tiny liver and teeny tiny kidneys

My Twitter addiction sort of died once I realized that, above all else, I was spending hours a day reading stupid people’s thoughts. As a pretentious literary snob that really scared me straight

I love saying “this is she” on the phone. Like yup.. that’s correct… you’ve reached the right bitch…